You’re talking about mentoring, or code walkthrough, not pair programming. If you want to use one name for everything two people can do working together then the problem is in your nomenclature, not my arrogance.

I don’t mind mentoring. I don’t mind code walkthroughs. But I am not going to be able to write a single line of code until I’m alone and focused. Writing code with someone close enough for sex is what pair programming means.

I would rather do those over a communication tool. Though I don’t like screen sharing because having to watch someone else’s IDE as he operates everything with a mouse feels like being buried alive. I can’t scroll, I can’t select, and I hate using a mouse in an IDE. I memorize all the keyboard shortcuts and use them.

Teams are bullshit. There is division of tasks. Programming is solitary work. You pretty much said so yourself in your refreshingly candid response. When I have to work alongside someone else my productivity drops to near zero. In the same gig that ended with pair programming I had this know-nothing from Beijing sitting next to me fuming that I wasn’t following their illegible formatting standard and he start all over every 20 minutes to lecture me about it. Give me a reason I should put up with this.

The one time I did PP my “partner” was a condescending corporate lickspittle son of a bitch. He went to my whiteboard to explain polymorphism to me, which I had learned when he was suckling at his mother’s breast. It was easily the worst three hours of my life and eleven years later I had to go into counseling because I learned those three hours had given me PTSD.

So don’t expect any objectivity from me about it.

I learned later, and it wasn’t hard to figure out after the meetings I had to sit through, that the whole point was to push me into quitting. MS was having its first layoffs ever in two weeks and managers had been told to foment resignations to massage down the numbers.

I hope that manager died in agony.

American Software Developer living in Vietnam. Classical musician (guitar, woodwinds), weightlifter, multilingual, misanthrope • XY

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