Well I won't be doing any of these anyway because I moved out of the USA and I am not coming back. Onsite work would be out of the question anyway, what with methodologies, open offices, and recurring meetings every day. Scrum cost me two hours of rush hour driving every day to attend and an utterly useless meeting; agile had me clenching my fists under the table at the goofy nomenclature.

Coding tests are dumb. In the last three years I have worked in five (5) programming languages that I didn't know before taking the jobs. I learned them on the fly and the work was lost in the noise of getting up to speed on existing projects.

Whiteboard interviews are out of the question. I'll balance a beach ball on my nose before I'll do a whiteboard interview. I can't concentrate while some kid with a quarter my experience condescends and dares me to impress him.

And if the interviewer mentions pair programming then he has a splendid view of my back.

American Software Developer living in Vietnam. Classical musician (guitar, woodwinds), weightlifter, multilingual, misanthrope • XY

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