Thanks. I had to work hard to keep the anger out of it, I allowed a little bitterness to come through but I think I managed to refrain from ranting. For me that’s serious progress.

But the pair programming, a mere three hours of it, was one of the worst experiences of my life. Being buried alive and feeling the air go stale can’t be a lot worse. For some reason the memory remained vivid year after year, a daily preoccupation that set my heart pounding. I’ve been in two auto accidents where I missed death or quadruplegia by a centimeter of luck, and I go for years at a time without thinking about them at all, much less the daily horrors of remembering that afternoon.

Talking to another Medium writer about her own experiences on Wall Street I realized that I have PTSD, which I thought one had to be in a war to acquire. I’m in counseling now trying to put it behind me. My partner in pairing was a condescending Indian corporate buttkisser half my age and a quarter my experience, if that, who treated me as an entry level developer and whom I intensely disliked already. Sitting literally hip to hip.

Any recommendations on where to publish that? I will make another pass and clean up the awkward areas.

If I have one passionate advocacy in software it’s restoring awareness of flow and what a difference it makes. I’ve talked to younger developers who have never known how we worked before and it’s shocking to me what they have come to expect; they talk about happy teams doing complete bullshit like TDD and pair programming. The fanatic craziness around testing is so evidently wrong .. I had one guy advocating early returns who was telling me that comments are indicative of bad code.

The industry has gone nuts.

American Software Developer living in Vietnam. Classical musician (guitar, woodwinds), weightlifter, multilingual, misanthrope • XY

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