As far back in history for which we have reliable data, and across cultures entirely irrespective of their acceptance, homosexuals have comprised about 5% of population. The same is true for left-handedness. Stable equilibria like this mean evolution. It sure as hell isn’t “preference.”
It was not us who made being gay into a political issue nor was it us who made it a despicable attribute; it was the bigots who did that, beginning with nomadic tribes who lost almost all children before adulthood. But then came the Stonewall myth and the whole movement of defiant belligerence with grotesquely offensive pride parades and ACT-UP and all that, deliberately seeking to validate the ugliest stereotypes about us.
Yeah that was a great idea. That helped a lot.
The proud use of “queer” is just the latest version of the belligerence that held us back for so long; a sizeable number of gays identify with being outsiders, part of an enclave culture, and the acceptance we now enjoy was the last thing they ever wanted. For them there was no dirtier word than “assimilation.” Well, that’s just too goddamn bad.
We’re here, we’re gay, and so what.
As for the rest of that ever-lengthening acronym, we need to push back on that. Transsexuals deserve our support for the same reason diabetics do, but they have little or nothing to do with homosexuality. Transvestites are just attention-starved cosplayers. “Gay” covered lesbians just fine but if they insist on their own word it’s not worth the argument.
Ask me to describe myself in five words and gay will not be in the list. It’s just a characteristic, it’s unremarkable, it’s normal.