You Don’t Know Anything Else

My l’l manifesto (mockery of agile deliberate) is intended as a call to action more than food for thought. I get a lot of mail from people who have sought me out on LinkedIn etc. to express their agreement as a prelude to expressing their despair. a LOT of people are miserable in this industry, and some of them have never known the industry I started in. Anyway.

Agile = new names for old practices + more meetings

Scrum = new names for old practices + more meetings

Unit tests = ass backwards logic. The point is to test yer shit, doing it first is just weird and backwards. Having developers exclusively responsible for testing their own work is bugfuck crazy. Everyone knows that, or would if they weren’t determined to believe crap. Read my TDD articles, I’m not rewriting all that here.

A sprint retrospective, let’s have a four-hour meeting to discuss what we just learned about teamwork, would drive me stark raving mad. I don’t want to talk about teamwork. Teams are for sports. If programmers are working together with the same divisions as in playing ball, something is very wrong.

I see zero advantage in either. And unit tests are way too much work for the little benefit they give; people who think they front-load you with insight are people who have never done design documents and don’t know what a better job they do. I write documents. I’ve always written documents.

I’m all for regression testing, I’ve pushed for it on many jobs and pushed hard, but unit tests are an inefficient way to test. WAY too much work and making compromises in the code to make it “testable.”

I know pretty much zero developers over 35–40 who think good things about these fads, and plenty younger who think they’re crap.

And, just an empirical observation, the ones who really esteem all these new “methodologies” tend to be the same people who gurgle over entertainment and who put pronouns in their profiles. Shallow, trendy people.

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